First off, let me just say that wow... if you want to see some horrible clip art and the like, do a Google search for "Pearly Gates." On with the show...
Every year or so, I go on a rant about judgement. OMG! Our lives are filled with this crap. Filled. With. It. And you know, I am super-duper judgemental in a surface-y way. Like if you wear pants, and tuck in your shirt, and I can see belt loops, but no belt, I immediately conclude you must be some kind of freaking moron.
If you're quiet, I don't trust you. Must be hiding something. If you make grammatical errors, my respect level drops, even though I am sure I mess up punctuation all the time. Maybe I should say "spelling errors" instead. Because wow, if you cannot spell basic words correctly, I am pretty sure you are what they call "too smart by half." I judge the way people dress too. WEAR CLOTHES THAT FIT, that is all I ask. Is it too much? In the summer, YES.
In line at Six Flags, I would just judge judge judge. Why is that lady so miserable? OMG! Did that woman just give up? Did she just give up her femininity when she threw on those crocs, swimsuit and fanny pack? Or high school kids interacting with their chums. Once, in a long line for The Boss, these kids were full-on making out in line. It was just ridiculous. I kept wanting to say something, but no too much. The best was when the line moved a good 20 yards ahead, and they were sill making out. I totally tapped them on the shoulder and was all "uh, the line moved." Subtle, not really. I think they were a bit humiliated, but I found it funny.
If you spit, just ick. No tolerance for that at all. At. All. If you are a man and order a frozen strawberry daiquiri in the middle of winter, watch out. I will make sure you see me laughing at you.
For the most part, I find it harmless. A lot of times, I wonder if people know they are so dorky, and that is when Mark tells me, "Well, you don't." Touche, Mr. Mark. Touche. I'm aware I judge superficial things, but figure it is okay since deep down, I really am a caring person.
But watch out if that caring is taken advantage of. I am not the turn-the-other-cheeker I should be, by any stretch of the imagination. I give a few chances, and basically say I've got your back until you go behind mine. Before, I would worry so much. So, so much. I still remember people telling me I would not be depressed if I loved Jesus more. Real nice to say to a hurting 15-year-old. People saying horrible things behind my back that I thought were friends. People I trusted breaking that trust in horrible ways. For the most part, I'm over it. If I sit and think about it too much, it hurts, but not like it once did. I don't let the hurt consume me any more.
It feels good to let that go. I remember when I was younger, I would wish so badly that I could change myself, change aspects of my personality. I just wanted to stay under the radar, to blend in. I always joke that it took me going off to boot camp, a place where you are identified mainly by number, that I would never, could never be just a number. I stuck out like a sore thumb, in (mostly) good ways.
As an adult, I've had to go against the grain and let go of relationships. Sometimes they just are not good. Not everyone is going to like me. Not everyone is going to be proud of me. Not everyone wants to love me back as much I love them. Before, this was a tremendous source of pain, now... not so much. It's okay not to be liked, or normal, or whatever. If people don't get it, it's on them, not me. Sometimes, we forget that. After all, the people that I truly care about and deeply love, I know they love me.
Enough with all the self-affirmation crap. This is really a bunch of things rolled into one, and for that I apologize, but after the holidays and all that craziness, I just wanted to let you know that I like you for you. I don't care what phone you have, what car you drive, what school you went to, how well your kids are doing, how well they are not doing, how much you make or don't make, I just dig you. Or I don't. And I hope you dig me too.
picture: http://thatdianne.files.wordpress.com
1 comments:
I like it!
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